By Elaine

Act 3: The Dojo

[Our six youthful heroes have arrived in
the strange, martial-artistic town of Nerima,
unfortunately for them, it has started raining.
Oh, the poor fools!]

Ch-Akane: (looking at her self and tightening her
get up)Aw Damn...

Ryu-onna: (studying map) I can't seem to find
the Tendo dojo. The ink is running.

Ken-go: Grwwwll...

Cammy-zu: Bweeee!

Sakura: (picking up their clothes after them) Geez,
now what do we do? These two are easy to hide, what
are we gonna do about tentacle boy?

Charlie-T: (cries like a...well...tentacle)

Ch-Akane: Well, Nerima's not that big, right? We've
gotta encounter the dojo someday...(peers off into
the blackness) Hey! Someone's coming! Hide the
tentacle! (Sakura stuffs Charlie into her backpack,
he's a little too large for that though) Excuse me!
Can you tell me how to get to the Tendo Dojo?

Gal: A-Akane? What the hell are you doing out here?
You could catch a cold, ya know?

Ch-Akane: Huh?

Gal: Not that I care or anything. Actually, a macho
chick like you probably aren't smart enough to catch
one.

Ch-Akane: You...know...Akane? I mean, you know me?

Gal: (sweatdrops) Um, yeah Akane. I live with you,
remember? Are you sure you're okay?

(Ch-Akane playing along) Ahaha! Of course I know
you, you live with me! I was...uh...leading these
people (points at the others) to the Tendo Dojo
but we lost our way...

Gal: (bigger sweatdrop) You lost your way to your
own house? In your hometown? Ryouga rubbing off
on you?

Ch-Akane: S-sure. (thinking) Who's Ryouga?
(back to the girl) Well, if we stay out here
longer, we might get pneumonia and so...uh...can
you lead me home?

Gal: Yeeeaah, sure...and these people too?

Ryu: Hai. It would mean a lot to us...

Sakura: Yeah! HEY! CHARLIE, STOP THAT! (one tentacle
is reaching out of her backpack in a sort of
waving movement)

Gal: (misses a beat) What was that?

Sakura: (stuffing the tentacle back into her back
pack) Ah! Nothing, nothing, nothing at all! (puts
hand behind head while continuously kicking the
bag)

Gal:...

Ch-Akane: Shall we go?

Gal: Sure, 'kane...you sure they have to come?

Ch-Akane: (nodding) Yeps, sorry about the
inconvenience.

[Well, so the girl (who by the way just happened
to have red hair) led our heroes to the Tendo Dojo,
were happily enough, the real Akane had just left]

Gal: Hey Kasumi! Dyu have anything to eat? I'm
starvin'!

Kasumi: (walking out from the kitchen) I just sent
her out to go shoppin- Oh my! (staring at the
rather bedraggled looking Akane in the hallway)

Ch-Akane: Hi...Kasumi...

Ryu: Hello, miss.

Sakura: Howdy!

Tentacle: (waving)

Kasumi: Akane, you didn't tell me we were having
guest over...

Ch-Akane: (feeling slightly upset) Um, sorry...
(sighing) Look, I'm not actually...

Kasumi: No worries, Akane-chan. I'll just set a
few more seats at the table. (mumbling) Nabiki
won't be happy though...we're running out of
money to...(exits)

Gal: Ugh, I'm gonna change into something more
comfortable now. Can I get you people something?

Ryu: Hot water. (Mysterious animal sounds bark/
Oinking/squishing in agreement)

Gal: Hot...water?(thinks) Now what would these
people need hot water for? They couldn't...nah,
what are the chances of that?

Ryu: Sakura, I think you can take them out now.

Sakura: Yeah. I hope Charlie doesn't happen to have
gotten tentacle slime all over my pack... (pulls out
Ken-go, Cammy-zu and Charlie-T)

Ryu: (notices Chun Li) What's the matter, Chun Li?

Ch-Akane: Huh? Oh, nothing much. How am I gonna
explain to these people that I'm not Akane?

Ryu:...well, something always turns up, right? I'm
sure there's going to be a quick and peaceful way
to resolve this...

Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!

Ch-Akane: Whu? (turns around and narrowly avoids
a thrown statue) Wah!

Girl: WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY BODY?

Ch-Akane: A-akane?

Akane: IMPOSTER! DIIIEEE! (pulls out giant mallet
from h-space) DIE! (Chun Li ducks) DIE! (Chun Li
jumps over a swing) DIE! (Chun Li sidesteps)

Ch-Akane: W-wait! I can explain.

Kasumi: (running out from the kitchen) What's the
matter Akane? (looks at one Akane desperately
fending off another one) Akane? Oh my!

Gal: (runs in holding a big bucket of water) What
the Hell?!?

Ryu and Sakura: ...

Ch-Akane: Charlie! Get this maniac off me!
(Charlie-T catches onto the real Akane's foot,
tripping her and consequently wrapping other
tentacles around her)

Akane: EEEK!!! I'm going to be raped by a tentacle!
Help!?!

Gal: (gawking)T-tentacle?

Ch-Akane: (grabs his waterbucket and throws it on the
struggling figures of Charlie-T and Akane) Hyaa! Cool
down will ya?

Gal: (gawking)A-Akane? (the scene reveals a very naked
Charlie desperately clinging onto Akane) Hey! Get offa
her!

Charlie: I'M TRYING, GODDAMIT!

Akane: EEEEEEK! It's MALE NOW!!

Ryu and Sakura: ... (sweatdropping)

Ken-go ad Cammy-zu: ... (also sweatdropping)

Kasumi: Oh my!

Ch-Akane: (yelling) That's ENOUGH! (everyone ceases) I
just trekked all the way from China to Japan, got lost,
got rained on, turned into this (points at self) and
had THAT (points at Akane) attack me! Give me a GODDAM
FRIGGIN' BREAK WHY DON'T YOU?!?

Gal: Um, Akane...you don't hafta get that mad...

Ch-Akane: I AM NOT AKANE!!

Kasumi: Not Akane? Oh my...I'll have to set more places
then...(hurries off)

Ch-Akane: Look, I'm sorry if I offended you by wearing
your body, but frankly it's not my fault. (helps her
up) You see, I visited this place called Jusyenko, we
all did...

Akane: You fell into my spring?

Ryu: The guide told us to come to Nerima and find the
Tendo Dojo. He said we could stay here until he found
a cure for us.

Voice: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Gal: Nabiki?

Nabiki: We already have enough freeloaders living here.
Have you seen our financial reports? We can't afford
to house any more people!

Akane: Nabiki...

Nabiki: Not to mention all the property damage! I still
haven't found another insurance company to-

Kasumi: Nabiki, stop that. I can understand your
frustrations, but we shouldn't be rude.

Nabiki: But-

Kasumi: I'll pay from my own savings.

Nabiki: You-

Kasumi: Now go call Daddy and Mr. Saotome down to eat.
(Nabiki leaves, fuming. Gal exits) I'm so sorry. So you've
visited Jusyenko?

Ryu: Yes, so sorry to trouble you and everything. We
don't mean to intrude...

Kasumi: It's no problem, really. Nabiki has been under
a lot of stress lately.

Ryu: We can pay.

Kasumi: No, no, no. I wouldn't dream of it. So...um...
exactly how many people are there with you?

Ch-Akane: Six, if you really want to transform the
dog and the pig.

Cammy-zu: BWEE!

Kasumi: Six? Hmmm. Well, the bathroom is over there.
So if you want to wash up...I'll set a few more
places...(exits)

Ch-Akane: Girls first!

Sakura: Yeah! (picks up Cammy-zu) See ya!

Ken-go: Grrrr

Ryu: It's okay Ken, we can wait...