By Elaine

Act 8: Titles are very hard things to figure out

{Inside Ucchan's. Nerima's resident Okonomiyaki restaurant and
home of the World's Greatest Okonomiyaki chef, Ukyo! She's wearing a
dark blue chef's outfit with some black leggings and her long hair is
tied up with a white ribbon.}

{A giant sized Spatula is propped against
the wall behind her. Chun Li and Ranma are sitting at the grill,
enjoying their Japanese pancakes...}

Chun Li: Wow...these are really good. (munches hungrily)

Ukyo: Well, Sugar...I AM the best okonomiyaki chef in Japan...(glances
suspiciously at Chun Li)

Ranma: (gulps down a beef okonomiyaki) Can I get another one?

Ukyo: (Smiles cheerfully) Anything for you, hon! So...is there any
reason you've decided to grace my shop today, Ran-chan? (starts
cooking another pancake on the grill)

Ranma: Actually, Chun Li here's been staying at our dojo and she wanted
to teach 'kane a few moves...

Ukyo: (raises an eyebrow) You stay at the dojo?

Chun Li: Uh...yeah...

Ukyo: (menacingly) You aren't after...MY...Ran-chan, are you?

Chun Li: Your Ran-chan? I thought he was-

Ranma: (interrupts in a hurry) N-no! She and her friends were Jusyenko
cursed. They're staying at the dojo till the guide finds the cure.

Ukyo: Oh! (giggles) So you're gonna be permanent residents of Nerima?

Chun Li: What?

Ranma: Anyways, we didn't have anyone to spar with Akane cuz nobody
in the dojo was really her level so...

Ukyo: ...so, you wanted me to come over and fight with her? Dear God,
Ran-chan! You don't think I'm that bad a fighter, do you?

Ranma: No No No! It's just that you're closer to her level than any of
us. You're our only hope, Ucchan... Shampoo and Kodachi would try to
kill her, Kuno would try to marry her, Mousse can't see her, Nabiki and
Kasumi don't fight and no one else at school are near her level.

Chun Li: Who's Shampoo and Kodachi and Kuno and Mousse?

Ukyo: I see...(interested) Are weapons allowed?

Ranma: Well...I don't think so. Akane doesn't have a weapon of her own
and it'd be an unfair advantage if you're swinging a giant spatula at
her and all she's swinging are fists.

Ukyo: Oh...but I'm not sure how useful I'd be towards a fist fighter.
I've never really been without a weapon before.

Ranma: As long as you don't try to kill her or make her yours, I'm
happy. Besides, think of it as a way to improve your hand to hand
combat skills...in case you're ever disarmed or something.

Ukyo: True enough.

Chun Li: Hello? Who's Shampoo, Kodachi, Kuno and Mousse?

Ukyo: Oh yeah...why are you training her anyways?

Ranma: Well...I dunno, she just wanted to learn. You know the tomboy,
always so enthusiastic about this kind of stuff.

Ukyo: Excu-yuze me?

Ranma: Oh...sorry...I didn't mean that. No offence against girls that
fight or anything. I just meant that...well, It'd be better training
for me if some of her hits connected, you know?

Ukyo: Oh, okay. I understand...I think...

Chun Li: HEY!

Ukyo: What can I do for you, Sugar?

Chun Li: Who's...Shampoo, Kodachi, Kuno and Mousse.

Ukyo: Ah...Shampoo n' Kodachi are other admirers of my Ran-chan. Those
two psychos are willing to do anything to get rid of Akane n' me.

Chun Li: Okay...and...Kuno and Mousse?

Ranma: Kuno's Kodachi's sister. He's this dumb ass who walks around
quoting Shakespeare. The idiot's fallen for my girl side. Mousse is
this really Myopic guy that turns into a duck and hates me cuz he
thinks I'm after his Shampoo.

Ukyo: I never understood, Ran-chan. Why didn't you just dump the girl?
Then Mousse wouldn't chase after you...

Ranma: Dump Shampoo? Well...for one I fear for my life...

Chun Li: Hmmm...Shampoo...the name seems so familiar. (Thinks for a
moment...then shrugs her shoulders} Whatever. So, will you do it?

Ukyo: Huh? Spar with Akane? Sure...why not? But I think the real
question is...would she spar with me.

Ranma: Oh crap...you've got a point there...Say, why don't we figure
out how to convince Akane to spar with you over another plate of
Okonomiyaki? (Licks lips eagerly)

Ukyo: (smiling sweetly) Anything for you, hon!

{Meanwhile, at a local Nerima mall, someone is suffering...}

Cammy: I think you'd look so fab in this, dear! (Holds up plaited
miniskirt)

Nabiki: OH GOD NO! NOT ANOTHER ONE!

Sakura: *wheeze* Geez, Cam...don't you think we've shopped enough? I
mean, feel for the one who has to carry your bags! (Shows the twenty
or so bags she's holding up)

Nabiki: Yes, I think we've shopped enough. I don't have much more
closet space...

Cammy: Oh poo! With all that posh you've got, you could afford another
bloody closet. And there is no such thing as shopped enough. We're
not dead are we?

Nabiki: (growls) Very soon, one of us will be.

Cammy: (ignores her and holds up a neon green shirt with rhinestones
imbedded in a money sign) How about this. I think this suits your
personality very well.

Nabiki: (grits teeth) My personality is NOT neon green.

Cammy: Oh silly! You don't know that. I'm sure there's a neon Nabiki
just waiting to burst out of you.

Nabiki: Really? I mistook that for a very VERY dark shade of annoyance.

Cammy: (pushes Nabiki and shirt into dressing room) Try it on. NOW.

Sakura: You know, she doesn't look like she's having a lot of fun,
Cammy. Do you think we're being a little too aggressive.

Cammy: (rolls eyes) It's all part of the plan, 'kura-chan. As soon as
she gets home and realizes what a wonderful fall wardrobe I got her,
she'll be more than happy to forget our...transgressions.

Sakura: Right. I'm sure.

Nabiki: Okay, I've worn your damn shirt, you happy? (comes out of
dressing room and sighs)

Sakura: Hey, not bad. Neon green IS your color.

Nabiki: (Mutters) I can't believe this.

Cammy: Hmmm, wonderful. Absolutely perfect. I love it. (Distant
screaming is heard) What the 'ell was that?

[The three give a start as something suddenly hurtles through the
roof and lands a few feet away from them. It gets up unsteadily,
showing that it is actually a human...and notices Nabiki, the figure
standing closest to it]

VOICE: Shampoo! I love you! (Mysterious figure suddenly glomps onto
Nabiki)

Nabiki: EEUAAK!

Sakura: YIPES!

Cammy: WHO IN BLOODY BLAZES ARE YOU!?!

VOICE: Huh? You aren't my darling Shampoo! What are you doing in
Shampoo's room?

Nabiki: Mousse?

Mousse: N-Nabiki? I didn't know you visited the Nekohanten a lot.

Nabiki: Um, Mousse, your glasses... (Pulls glasses down on his eyes)
We're at a mall.

Mousse: A Mall? How in the world did I get here?

Cammy: (giggles) Hull-lo! You're rather the cute one, aren't ye?

Mousse: Huh?

Nabiki: Sorry to disappoint, Mousse. But your Amazon goddess probably
kicked you out again...what did you do? (Dusts him off with a spare
shirt)

Mousse: I don't know. I was cleaning her room and she stomped in...
and I told her how much I adored her, and...well...(frowns) I'm
supposing she hit me through the roof. Crap, my chores aren't done
yet. I'll be in trouble when I get back.

Cammy: What's the rush, dearie? (Bats eyes pleasantly at him) We could
use another...helping hand...

Mousse: Huh? Who are you?

Nabiki: (whispering in his ear) Get out of here before it's too late.

Mousse: Wha-?

Cammy: (latching onto his arm) Why thank you so much for volunteering
to join us, sweetums. Sakura dear! You can put down the bags now, this
nice man has decided to carry them for us.

Mousse: (very confused) I did?

Sakura: Really? THANK GOD! HERE, TAK'E! (Dumps twenty or so bags
on him)

Nabiki: (sighs) Ah well, Sorry kid. But you can't say I didn't try to
warn ya.

Mousse: Wuh wuh wuh... O_O ? (gets dragged off)

A little wheres away, one teenage Ken is roaming the streets of
Nerima, looking for one good fight club. He finally finds one and looks
in. The place is pretty empty. It's still early in the afternoon, so
the only people are the bartender and a few actually sober customers


Ken: (thinking) The Watery Grave? What kind of Fight Club name is that?

Bartender: Yo, Kid! Whachu doing around this district?

Ken: huh? Oh, just looking around. I was trying to find a place to
test my skills.

Bartender: You know...you have to be at least 18 years of age to
fight.

Ken: Really? That's rather strange. All of the people I've seen who
are martial artists here are teenagers.

Bartenders: Hey, I didn't make the rules.

Ken: Right, oh well. Not that youth's going to stop me. (sidles up to
the bar) I think I'm old enough.

Bartender: (raises an eyebrow) You sure? You seem a little...small
for a major.

Ken: Small? I'm thirty-friggin-three! (sees bartender's expression and
sighs) God, it's been so long since I've had to do this (hands her his
driver's license).

Bartender: Ken Master's. Hmmm...you really are thirty three...though
you do look a tad...bit older in there than you do now.

Ken: (shrugs and sweatdrops) What can I say? Drivers license photos
put on ten years.

Bartender: (mutters) Or in your case, twenty. (smiles) So, what would
you like to drink?

Ken: Bourbon on the Rocks, thanks.

Bartender: Right, whatever. (hands him a glass of soda)

Ken: Hey!

{ Suddenly the door swings open and a girl in her late teens pops
in. }

Girl: Yo, King! Make me a Hurricane, double shot of rum.

Bartender: Sure thing, Ms. Kanzuki.

Ken: Wait...why did you serve her? She looks younger than me.

Bartender (who was King BTW): Simple kid. Her family owns the bar.

Ken: oh...Wait. Did you say Kanzuki?

Girl: (turns to Ken) Say you're a little young to be around here
aren't you?

Ken: Speak for yourself, girl. (Thinking) Oh my god, Karin
Kanzuki

Girl: You've got spunk, kid. I'm the owner of this joint. My name's
Karin.

Ken: Yeah, I know...uh...I mean... (thinking) The Kanzukis are
here? Woah...who would have thought. The Masters have been at financial
war with them since who knows when. I wonder if dad knew they ran a
Street Fighting bar

Karin: Ah yes, of course you do. Me being so famous and all. Still,
it's not everyday that someone recognizes me in peasant garb. You have
a sharp eye, young man. Oh HOHOHOHOHO! (thinks) He's kinda cute

Ken: Uhm...well yeah, I suppose. (scratches his head and sweatdrops)

King: You're drink, Ms. Kanzuki.

Karin: Mmhmm, You're dismissed King.

King: (mutters) brat. If I was still interested in fighting, I'd beat
her ass...

Karin: What was that, King?

King: Huh? Oh I was just wondering if they have lighting at church in
Mass.

Karin: Oh...(looks at her strangely) Okay. (turns back to Ken) So, you
haven't told me your name.

Ken: No...I haven't. (thinks) Oh crap, think of a name, think of
a name

Karin: ...So?

Ken: Uhm...Ken...(thinking) DAMN .

Karin: Ken? I know a man named Ken. His last name was...Masters...

Ken: Well, I'm sure I'm not that Ken. (sweatdrops) Um...my last name
is...uh...(looks at bar for inspiration) Bourbon. Yeah, Ken Bourbon.

Karin: I see, well nice to meet you Ken Bourbon. (raises an eyebrow)
Funny, you look a LOT like that Ken Masters I knew. Though he was an
arrogant slob with the IQ of a cow and you don't seem that way.

Ken: Grrrr...

Karin: (doesn't notice) So what are you doing here, Ken?

Ken: (blinks) Oh, I was checking it out. I'm an avid Street Fighter.

Karin: Oh really? Well, the next match with an opening is two weeks
from now. Though if you want, you can join me tomorrow to watch one
of the match. (leans closer)

Ken: (gulps) T-Tomorrow?

Karin: Yesss...

Ken: O-Okay, I guess. Why not? Ha...ha...ha...I have to go now.

Karin: Aw, too bad...well, I suppose I'll see you then. The match is
at ten, don't be late.

Ken: Right, 'bye. (rushes out the bar)

Karin: Ooh, he's a catch...

{ Back at the Dojo...}

Akane: YOU WANT ME TO FIGHT WHO?

Chun Li: It's for you're training, Akane.

Ranma: Yeah, she's the closest to you in ability so...

Akane: (growls) Don't talk to me.

Ranma: (sulky) Sorry, just trying to help...

Akane: I can't believe you're doing this to me! You said you were my
friend! Now you're pitting me against one of Ranma's admirers on
Ranma's suggestion? This is probably some sick fantasy sequence of his
that he wanted to see reenacted.

Ranma: Yeah, right. If I had a sequence involving you, it'd be a
nightmare.

Akane: GRRRRRR...

Chun Li: Ranma, stop that. Akane, calm down. As your friend and sensei,
I demand that you stop acting like such a fool and think this through.
You need a sparring partner around your level, and Ukyo's probably the
best bet we have.

Akane: BUT SHE'S...RANMA'S OTHER FIANCEE! BY CHOICE! DOESN'T THAT SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT HER MENTALITY?

Ukyo: HEY!

Akane: She's here?

Chun Li: Uh yeah, she was waiting in the livingroom all this time. We
thought you knew.

Akane: Um...No...

Ukyo: You just insulted me and my Ran-chan... (narrows eyes)

Akane: Yeah, so?

Ukyo: Just cuz you're so unattractive you know you can't get him, it
doesn't mean that you have the right to insult him.

Akane: (dangerously) What?

Ukyo: And just cuz you're jealous of my apparent mixture of good
looks and intelligence doesn't mean you have the right to insult me
either.

Akane: ALL RIGHT! THAT'S IT! WE TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!

Ukyo: (grinning) Oh, Bring it on, hammergirl.

...dum dum dum...!!!!