This fic is shounen ai(male/male). If you don't like it, don't read it.

It was my fault. I ended it. I shouldn't be surprised that he was able to get on with his life. It's not like I was much of a companion, anyway. I left him. It hurt him, though I never meant it.

I wish things could be as they were. I miss having him in my arms. I treasured all the moments we've shared, though I never showed it. I was such a fool to give it all up. And for what? The fight? A better challenge? I was such an idiot. I'm a fighter, not a lover. So, now I am alone. I guess I was meant to live in solitude. A part of me wishes to have never met him, to never have fallen in love. That way I wouldn't miss him so much. That way my heart wouldn't ache so much. That way I wouldn't bear the guilt of giving up my one true love.

It's no use dwelling on the past. The love we shared, all of it was in the past. Things can never be the same. He's married now and has a beautiful son. The boy resembles him in so many ways. I've met both his wife and son. Eliza is a lucky woman. I could tell he loves her. He gazes at her the way he used to look at me. She was smart enough to appreciate those loving glances. She didn't give him up for something as frivolous as a fight. I was such a moron to leave him.

He still tries to keep in touch, yet I avoid him. It pains me to see him. It's a constant reminder of what could've been. Now we are merely friends. I want us to be lovers again, but I don't even deserve the friendship. I should be glad that he's happy, even if that happiness comes from someone else. It shouldn't matter that I'm miserable without him. I'm afraid of hurting him again if I tell him this. I'm not sure if he still loves me or if he forgives me. The only thing I'm sure of is that I have myself to blame. I cruelly left the one person I truly love. I'll never stop loving him.

Ken, ai shiteru.