Bison vs. Guile
By Jayk

Bison searches for old texts of wisdom in his base's library. "Sir, what are you looking for?", asks one of Bison's soldiers. Bison is standing on a tall ladder at least 15 feet from the floor. "I'm looking for an old text which explains some of the mysteries of this world.", answers Bison. "I believe that The Cat in the Hat is on the other side of the room, Lord Bison.", commented the soldier.

"No! You insulent fool. I'm looking for a text that has more depth than Dr. Suess's verse of One Fish. Two Fish. Red Fish. Blue Fish.", snapped Bison. He glared at the smart mouthed fool. "I'm looking for my book of nursery ryhmes.", Bison finished. "If that's the case, Lord Bison, that book is eight-teen books down.", he said pointing to Bison's right side. "Ah, there it is.", Bison said over exerting himself to reach. "Um, sir, would you like me to push the ladder closer so you don't fall and..."

"Nonsense! I'm invencible. It is no feet for me to get...this...book. Ah", Bison said grabbing the book. "Gotcha!", He said grasping the book with both hands. He smiled at his victory.

"Lord Bison!", yelled the soldier. His yells made Bison realize he was no longer on the ladder. "Yipes!", was all Bison said before he did his Wile E. Cyote imporsonation, or rather yet Daffy Duck, as he fell completely forgetting he could float. He hit the ground on his left arm with a loud *THUD* and a sickening *crack*.

"OUCHIE!!!", Bison screamed in sheer pain as he grasped his left arm and flailed around like a baby. "Are you ok, sir?", asked the flunkie. "You fool. *sniff* Why didn't you push the ladder closer to the book? *sniff*", Bison asked with tears welling up in his eyes. "But Lord Bison I..." Before he could finish he was struck down with a ferocious Psycho Shot. "That idiot.", Bison said as he limped his way out of the library and towards the infermary.

"Lord Bison, I have bandaged your arm up.", said the base doctor. "I'm gonna give you a dose of morphin to dull your pain.", the doctor continued.

"No, that wont be enough. I'm not normal. You'll have to give me more.", Bison demanded. "Yes sir.", answered the doctor. 'I'll give him four times the normal dose. That should be more than enough.' After applying the shot Bison feels no apparent affects and angrily says, "I thought I told you to give me more than the regular amount?"

"I did sir. Its four times more even."

"You should know it takes more than that. Give me more.", Bison demands. "Yes sir.", responds the doctor. 'He's not foolin me. He's not that different. Its just that he's got a high tolerence for the morphine. Always coming for some for the smallest things. Paper cuts, bruises you can't see and the sort. I'll give him eight times the normal. He might o.d. but knowing him he'll enjoy that too.', thought the doctor as he stuck Bison with the needle.

"Whoa, now that's...what...I'm talking about." Bison said feeling the effects immediately. "Wow...", he continued as he stood up. "hehheheh...hehhehheh."

"Lord Bison, maybe you should rest the...", the doctor began to offer. He was cut off by Bison saying, "Nonsense! I'm...perfectly capable of...geheheheh...doing...eh, stuffffff.", He said as he began a stiffled laugh.

Balrog came into the infermory just as Bison was saying that. "That's good ta here, sir. I guess that means we can go over the plans for next weeks assasination." 'Oh no, real work', thought Bison. "Whoa...on second thought I think I do need to relax. I'll be in my room of darkness so I can hallucinate in peace.", Bison said as he dizzily made his way out of the infermary and into the room of darkness.

He sat down in a chair that was very close to the door. After he sat down he just stared into the darkness.

"Whoa...whoa...whoa...whoa...whoa...whoa..", he said repedetly as his mind made up hallucination after hallucination.

***

An hour passed.

"Lord Bison, sir.", called a guard as he peaked into the room of darkness.

"Whoa...", Bison replied still staring into the darkness.

"Um, Lord Bison?", the soldier called out as he walked toward the halucinating Bison. Bison grabbed the flunkie by the collar and said, "Don't you know any better than to interrupt me in this room?"

"Sorry sir, but its important. There seems to be a small U.S. military group invading the base sir."

"So I can take any of them. Even with my hurt arm."

"Sir, they seem to be lead by Guile, sir." At the mention of that name Bison let go of the soldier. "Guile? Oh no, can't beat as messed up as I am now."

"Aren't you usually on Opium when you fight any ways?"

"Being messed up on Opium and being messed on Morphin are two different things."

"How so?"

"They...just are. No matter. Send him in here. I have a plan."

"Yes sir.", said the soldier. With that he left the room to carry out his orders.

***

Guile entered the room from the opposite end of Bison. Despite the darkness of the room, they were each totally visiable to each other just as if an invisible spotlight shown on each.

"Bison, your gonna die today!", Guile procclaimed from across the room.

"Well Guile, its been awhile. I'd love to snap your neck, but as you can see I'm at a small disadvantage.", Bison said refering to his arm that was wrapped in a sling.

"Aw, feel so sorry for you. However, thats not gonna save you. Broken arm or no, you go down today."

"Of course, its just that I was thinking of a different type of challenge. Like oh, say, arm wrestling."

"No chance Bison. Your mine!"

"Let me rephrase that then.", with that the darkness was lifted and Guile found himself on a pedistal with floors of armed guards aiming rifles at his body. "Do you want to arm wrestle?", Bison finished.

"Sure, why not. heheh" The darkness set once more.

"Come forward to your defeat."

"But, there's no floor."

"Just come. Dont be a pansy.", Bison taunted. Guile reluctantly took the first step of faith to find there was a floor there. Bison snapped his fingers and a table came up with two handles and two pads on it. As Guile reached the table he came to a realization. "This room is a room of illusions, isn't it. There aren't any guards here at all."

"Well, well, your a lot quicker than I thought. After the match you can test that theory if you wish." A man came out of the shadows to refery the match.

"The rules are: if you brakes hands you start over, if you let go of your pole you lose, and if your hand touches the coushin first you lose. Lets get on.", announced the refery. Guile knealt down to the table as did Bison. They spent sometime fixing there grips on each other. "No fare flaring up your arm, Bison."

"Whatever."

The ref put his hand on top of the two opponents. "Alright, Begin!", he shouted as he pulled his hand away from theirs.

The war began. It was an even tug-o-war battle. Favor shifted back and forth. First, to Guile. Then, to Bison. Then, back to Guile. Finally it was a dead even match as they seemed to settle at mid point.

"So...Guile,...How's my wife and your kid?", Bison asked.

"They're...WHAT?!", Guile said realizing what Bison said. *WHAM* Guile's hand went down. "Winner, Bison.", yelled the ref.

"What the, no way?", protested Guile.

"Buhbye. Guards.", Bison called. Two guards came and drag the befuddled Guile out of the base.

"Good strategy, messing up that joke on purpose, sir.", the ref complimented.

"Yeah, on purpose.", Bison said as he sleeped back into his hallucinations. "WHOA..."