After witnessing the greatness of the yoga guru Dhalsim, the staff and I just had to learn how to teleport. Before he left, he gave us copies of his new videos. But he also gave us this warning: "Do not move on to the next tape until you have mastered the basics." Well we can't wait. We have to learn how to teleport. Even the camera man is getting in on the action, so the camera is set on auto.

Announcer: Hey Steve, put in the advanced tape.

Steve: But Dhalsim told us not to do it without first learning the basics...

Announcer: Who signs your checks? Do it, or you're fired!

Steve: Okay. But I still feel that this isn't right...

Announcer: Don't worry about it. Dhalsim is just like Billy Blanks. He just wants to make more money by making more tapes. Let's just cut to the chase and get to the good part.

(tape begins)

(voice of Dhalsim on tape): Welcome to Advanced yoga. I warn you. If you have not mastered the basic and intermediate tapes, do not continue. You will seriously injure yourself.

Announcer: Yeah, whatever.

10 minutes later...

Announcer: Dhalsim! Help! Help us!

(dhalsim teleports)

Dhalsim: What is the matter?

Announcer: Our camera man has suffered a seizure, and our make up artist Steve has split in two!

Steve: Help! My legs are running away from me!

Dhalsim: Yoga!
(Everyone is back to normal)

Dhalsim: I warned you not to attempt the Advanced tape until you mastered the basics. This is what happens when you don't listen to advice. I knew something like this would happen!

Announcer: I'm sorry...

Dhalsim: Why did you not listen to me?

Announcer: I just wanted to learn how to teleport...

Dhalsim: This is what I meant when I said that your mind and body were not ready for teleportation. Your body isn't in enough shape to perform the moves correctly, and your mind is not focused enough. You only want to teleport for evil purposes. You will never learn how to teleport if you use it for your own selfish wishes.

Announcer: We understand now...

Dhalsim: Bring me the one you call Marcus.

(A teenager about 16 years old steps forward)

Dhalsim: You have the purest heart here. You did not participate even though everyone else did. I shall give you a special gift. Close your eyes...

Dhalsim places one hand on Marcus's forehead and says a chant. A golden aura is now surrounding Marcus the intern.

Dhalsim: Teleport to that tree over there.

(Marcus does it with the greatest of ease. Everyone else except Dhalsim gasps in shock)

Dhalsim: Go now in peace. And to the rest of you, until your heart is pure, you will never learn how to teleport. Yoga! (Dhalsim teleports away)

Announcer: Marcus, if you can teleport us back home, I'll give you a raise!

Marcus: Get out that checkbook! Yoga!
(Everyone teleports)

Seattle, Washington

Announcer: Ever since Marcus has been given the gift of teleportation, we've never had to buy plane tickets again. But enough about us! On to meet Mr. Ken Masters!

Ken: (who is wearing a white suit) Good evening! You hungry?

Announcer: Sure.

20 minutes later.

Announcer: Oh man! That was so good! But now on to business. What has life been like for you since the last Street Fighter tournament?

Ken: Well I am more of a family man now. I help out around the house, and I run my own dojo.

Announcer: How interesting. Does anyone help you out?

Ken: My student Sean helps me as my assistant. I let him stay at my house and teach him what I know, and he helps me teach my classes.

Announcer: I've also heard that your son Mel is getting into the family business.

Ken: That's right. Mel happens to have a brown belt in Shotokan right now. If I'm not careful, he will one day be stronger than me!

Announcer: How often do you see Ryu?

Ken: About once a year. He is a very difficult man to find.

Announcer: So I've heard. Tell me, what is up between him and Chun Li?

Ken: Well it's pretty obvious. Chun Li has the hots for him. Ryu on the other hand, I'm not so sure about.

Announcer: What was life like growing up in Japan with Ryu?

Ken: At first I hated it. But after staying for a couple of days, I started to like it. Ryu is like my brother. Sometimes we know what the other is thinking without saying a word.

Announcer: What was Gouken like?

Ken: He got very strict at times, but he really cared about us. Sometimes me and Ryu would ditch a day of practice and go swimming. When he found out what we did, he made us clean the entire dojo!

Announcer: How did you feel when Akuma killed Gouken?

Ken: Gouken was my second father. He taught me how to fight. Part of my life is due to what Gouken taught me. But I think Gouken's death hurt Ryu more. Gouken was all that Ryu had. He was like a father to him. And when Gouken was gone, Ryu felt alone. Sometimes it still hurts to think of how Gouken died, but I know that he is looking at us from heaven smiling.

Announcer: There have been rumors that Dan has also trained with you and Ryu. Is this true?

Ken: Yeah it's true. But he didn't stick around long. Gouken kicked him out after about a month.

Announcer: What is Dan like as a person?

Ken: Dan has a good heart, but he can be an idiot sometimes. He can also be very arrogant at times. But he is fun to be around. And if you need a good laugh, he's the one to go to.

Announcer: What is Ryu like as a person?

Ken: Ryu is a very caring, and compassionate person. He never does things to intentionally hurt people. He loves nature, and he always is neat except when there is food around. Ryu also tends to stick by himself. He is a loner. I think Gouken's death might have had something to do with it.

Announcer: Before we close, I have to ask this one question. Who is the better fighter. You or Ryu?

Ken: To be quite honest, I don't know. We both keep getting stronger each time we meet. Each time we fight, we both put up more of a fight and learn new moves. One day that question will be answered. But not today.

Announcer: Finally, do you have any idea where Ryu might be?

Ken: None. His travels are random. But I have the best security in the world working for me, so finding Ryu shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Announcer: Well here is my number. If you get any information on Ryu's whereabouts, give me a call.

Ken: Sure.

Announcer: And thanks for the interview.

Ken: No problem.

Announcer: Well that's all the time we have today. We are going to go to Japan next week and see if we can find Ryu. We might even find some of his friends who live there, like Sakura or E.Honda! Stay tuned! This is one interview you don't want to miss!